College and Warm Weather: A Love Story

Much like a bear arising from hibernation, the first swarm of warm weather is critical for the average college student. But rather than forage for food or get a drink from a brook or creek or some shit like a bear after months in a cave, Becky, Tammy, and Kelly break out the funnel and proceed to chug four lokos. Much like the opening scene in the Lion King, all walks of life congregate to the designated drinking spot for a celebration of the weather being above freezing and not having to wear winter jackets en route to a party. Only difference is that Rafiki lifiting Simba is more like a Senior Frat Bro sacrificing a pledge for the first day drink.

The first day drink is a double edged sword. One part of you wants to go to the nearest store and whether you admit it or not, proceed to buy the most Twisted Teas you can afford with your already dwindling college budget. And to top it off, you can't just be drinking Tweas all day so you might as well get some Rubinoff. The last time you got to "day drink" was at the parking lot of the Patriots game for the playoffs where you were drinking in excess to get drunk as much as you were to stay warm. But this weather is different. You crack the first beer or beverage and you're sitting there in the hot son without a care in the world. But you haven't started this early in a while, and compounded with the weather you are not used to it turns into the best and worst experience ever. Soon enough someone is throwing on a lacrosse or football helmet and jumping off the roof into a group of "sure hands", "No, definitely bro I got you, played wide receiver back in high school, I was all state you're good" And it all goes down hill. But if you are a freshman and haven't seen a day drink here are some of the symptoms to look for.

Basketball Jerseys: What's better than no sleeves? No sleeves with a white basketball player who is good enough for the black people to know. Now girls pay attention, here are some free giveaways if you want to strike up a conversation. "Bird" on the back? Thats Larry Bird, most likely Massachusetts schools. "Stockton", we got whiter than paper John Stockton, to his admission, was even unrecognizable at the olympics. Maybe some Jerry West's some Steve Nash's and a couple others. But, if you see a basketball jersey, you've found the right spot.

Bandeaus: Lost on the location of the party? Follow the girls in the bandeaus (had to google that spelling, sheesh I lost my fastball). If there is a pack of Caffeinated Starbuck Hyenas sporting this outfit then you are headed in the right direction. Derived from what I think is just the word band-aid, these little pieces of clothing guard a little more than the average paper cut. Perfect for when the weather is nice and you want to wear no clothes but have to at least try and make it past indecent exposure. Along the same lines, sundresses are also in this category. There name quite literally has sun in it, so if you see Lindsey (we call her Linds ;)) rocking this piece of clothing then you have made it to the party. This might be a little classier look, but I can assure you whatever gender you are trying to attract, they will like it.

Jeeps: Yeah thats right, darty season also coincides on the college lunar calendar with Jeep season. But I am not just talking about your average Jeep Cherokee, we are talking the WRANGLER BRO. You wanna know when the weather is officially nice in the north east? When the doors come off the yellow wrangler in the parking lot. These doors come off faster than co-eds clothes at an ABC party. Good news too! Now, not only can Jimmy park on top of a mulch pile, he can get out without even having to open a door!!! DOPE! Want messy hair? Jimmy's got you covered too because there is no roof either. SWEET!!!

Green: Finally, the green. I am assuming, unless it's a commuter school. That most campuses have some form of campus green. This, right here is some national geographic shit. Everyone goes outside to do "homework", and not to get "drunk" and "play volleyball barefoot". Not good enough to hit the ball over the net? Now we can throw a fucking plate to each other! Some call it frisbee, others call it a waste of time. It's the best of both worlds. Add a couple plastic slabs that get bent easily and you got yourself Kan Jam (actually an awesome game). But you have definitely made your way to the green if you see this, a game of corn hole, or finally kids throwing around a football/baseball like they did back on varsity. In terms of Nat Geo, this is also like a watering hole/lion king vibe. Except the gators lurking in the middle are probably your weird creepy floor-mates from down the hall, with the last ditch effort to try and get your number. While you and your friends are sitting on the outside of the group like normal humans, this dude is plotting his attack like a a hippo or some shit. Be prepared ladies, they are usually in a backwards hat with some shades on and will 10 times out of 10 ask one of you to be their Kan Jam partner.

But the environment of your average college darty isn't complete unless we talk about the sounds as well as the sights. If you crack that dusty dorm window open and are exposed to "Summer Hits of the 90's" Pandora blasting at as many decibels as Todd's Beats pill can muster up, you know it's darty season. Nothing says sunny and 75 on campus like everyone pretending they like the song "Santeria", or hearing the four popular country songs of the last decade (all involving dirt roads, beer, ripped jeans, a girl named Jenny, and trucks) on loop until the sun sets. Hell, Bobby might even break out his acoustic guitar and get everyone to jam to "Wagon Wheel" cause he's so dreamy and got mad skills (Tony can do this, and he'll be the first to tell you it doesn't take mad skills at all). Somewhere approaching twilight people at the darty will try and change the mood, blowing the dust off the timeless Wayne Wonder hit "No Letting Go" and then Drake's summer '16 trifecta (One Dance, Controlla, Too Good in that order) and before you know it everyone will be in full sing-along-to-classic-wedding-songs-that-mom-loves mode with BAC's higher than the cumulative GPA. Can't dance? No problem. Tone deaf? Even better! Because when it's warm out and the fruity drinks are flowing any campus is immediately a no holds barred musical environment.

In all honesty, the first day drink is the greatest thing of the year. There will probably be some form of kiddy pool with as much dirt on the bottom as there is water along with Courtney's missing earring back that she'll be drunkenly looking for/complaining about all day. But these are the types of events you miss when you get out of college. So, yeah while I try to make a lot of this sarcastic, there is definitely a part of me (all of me) that wishes I could be with my best friends being dumb and drunk rather than working all day. But for now, I guess I just have to sit on the outside and try and make fun of you, while simultaneously crying. Jealousy is a cold-hearted bitch.