Nope of the Week: Cops Flex On Twitter After Itty Bitty Drug Bust

When you hear drug bust what do you think of? What sort of pictures come to mind? Actually I'll just tell you what I see because I went and made a blog and you didn't so here. When I hear the words drug bust I get a chill like I do at the end of the movie "Blow" where Johnny Depp's daughter is sitting outside all upset 'cause he just got arrested after promising her they'd go play. I picture cops that look like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson posing behind stacks and stacks of money and brown packaged bricks that can only be home to oodles (which is actually a word look it up *vocab snaps*) of illicit substances. I picture a blinged out guy in a suede suit facedown in a driveway with a subtle forehead wound after a recent struggle with the po-po. Caution tape and shocked bystanders standing outside a mansion that has toilets made of ivory from only the rarest elephants. I know that is all Hollywood stuff, but still a drug bust is a significant triumph over a dealer or syndicate (vocab snaps again). So, naturally, when I was scrolling on Twitter and see a headline for a drug bust that has the people in an uproar, it's safe to say I was shaking in my skivs for an exciting story. What I got however, was the Nope of the Week.

This god damn picture. No, this god damn picture with the caption "One less marijuana dealer on the streets thanks to Officers [Nope] and [Noper]", is our Nope of the Week.

Apparently these two cops that look less intimidating than Jonah and Channing in 21 Jumpstreet made an arrest out in Ozone Park, Queens this week, and their home 106th Precinct of the NYPD gave them this tweet of recognition. Now for many reasons, the people of Twitter found this hilarious and cut them mercilessly (shoutout mic.com for documenting the best tweets).

But it's our the Nope of the Week, so it's time for us to take our own hacks at these noodles.

@NYPD Guys are you for real with this. Where to start. I guess the fact that this is an infinitesimally (snaps*) small amount in the grand scheme of the big bad war on drugs. And duh, because one it's weed, which is easier to find than an awkward selfie on social media these days. But more so because it's like four respectable blunt's worth of it (I assume, mom). If we were doing a "smoke up the kids" weed drive instead of a feed the kids one, and we were totaling the "number of kids smoked up" tally this would total like 7 tops. And they'd be pissed because none of them would have even gotten a solid high. In fact, it's so little that all of the baggies would make up like one whole bag of Totino's pizza rolls. I have without a doubt fit more of those on one baking pan than they have on that entire table (and so has anyone who's smoked weed before ironically enough). Or maybe it would total two boxes of Little Bites but you know there's only two muffins per bag in those things anyway.

And this picture might be acceptable from Sheriff Whoseywhatsit and Deputy John Deere out in West Podunk, but you guys are THE NYPD!! Do you know how many stud cops this city is/has been home to over the years?! How much serious crime they've been faced with? Or better yet how many stud celebrities played NYPD in movies? That's a list headlined by DeNiro and Pacino for Christ's sake! You can't turn around and disrespect that legacy by tweeting something like this. It's as significant as if you posted a picture of officers flexing after pulling someone over for a broken brake light. And that would probably even save more lives than stealing this kids stash. Moral of the story is that you are inherently more badass than any other PD when you're in New York, and this city deserves more than an awkward prom pic with grandma's bursitis medicine.

Finally to the drug dealer they busted. You're probably 12 so aside from the trauma of getting frisked on the playground we're sure you're doing ok. I mean, we assume you must be 12, because no real drug kingpin thinks dual machetes are cool, nor would they get caught by an officer that wears his watches with the face facing inward (guy on the left - that drives me insane, it is in no way hip or convenient you just want to be different). But anyway if not, we hope your life doesn't get ruined by the justice system that locks you up for weed but shrugs at rape if you went to Stanford. Best of luck with those guys in the robes. At the very least they didn't get a significant stash off you and if you are 12 and not in jail, I bet Todd's super chill big bro just re-upped. Your real problem is that Monster drink, you've got to cut that out. Everybody knows those are so bad for your health dude.