Gender Reveal Parties? Lets Not.

Ladies and Gentleman, I will say this one time, and one time only. If I ever get invited to one of those little shin digs that requires a gender binary color to pop out of balloons, explode out of completely unnecessary cannons, or be the color of the (most likely dry) cake that I will be expected to eat, I will most certainly not be in attendance. Nope, nada, absolutely not. If you think for five seconds that i'm about to just roll up to a party wearing a specific color (pink or blue would be specified on the invitation) to signify whether i'm on #TeamBlue or #TeamPink, you need to take a seat because honey, you have lost your damn mind.

I'll tell you right now what you could expect me to do (If I were to be in attendance, which I already specified I wouldn't be.) You could count on me rolling up to this waste of money party with the intention of completely revolting by wearing purple, green, yellow or orange. What do these colors mean? I sure as hell don't have a clue, but they do mean that I don't give a shit about the gender of your kid and that I solely would just like to celebrate you bringing a healthy little alien baby into the world.

Seriously, these parties are laughable. Nine times out of

ten we're just assuming that girls need to worship princesses to have dreams and find love and boys need to love weed whackers, John Deer and football to be emotionless men. As if these unnecessary reasons to celebrate weren't bad enough, i'm then slapped in the face with the obligation to buy you and your little rugrat a gift. Guess what, I WAS planning on getting you a gift, but now you're just being greedy. A gender reveal party and a baby shower? This baby ain't even out the womb yet and we've had two parties for it?? I don't think so. Nope. No thank you. You got selfish and now you're not getting anything, so ha. Who's sticking to the bitchy gender roles now?

Another thing about these parties, what's the etiquette on drinking? I mean just because you're pregnant, does that mean the rest of us have to go without? Like is it one of those, if I can't drink, neither can you things? Or are mimosas involved? Because this could change my opinion....just a little. (I'm 23 and really just trying to figure it out for when my friends start having kids).

Last but not least, what might be worse than the gender reveal party itself, is the amount of times that I need to relive this thing via social media. Honest to shit, someone tell me how much money ya'll are spending on these professional photographers? Like should I change my line of work for a future in capturing pink puffs of dust in the air and food coloring filled cakes? Please, for the love of god. STOP THE PHOTO SHOOT. You are only making me angrier for the arrival of your child. Like if you want to throw handfuls of colored powder in the air, you go ahead and do so for the cool Instagram shot, i'm sure the 200 likes are more important than the horrific mess you're about to make. (looks appealing...)

I know that some of you are going to hate me for this rant on Gender Reveal Parties, probably because you've had one yourself or you're already imaging how cute your cake will look at your party. The purpose of this post was to simply remind you all that whatever gender you child may be, they are still a child worthy of happiness and love. If they happen to be girl who loves the WWE and monster trucks, let them love those things. What we are at birth does not define the things that we will grow up to love or the person that we will grow up to become. So listen here people, stop having a hissy fit if your little boy likes to dance, crank that music and let the child party on. Children will probably grow up to be better human beings if we support them in being happy and healthy future world changers, not what we expect them to be because it fits our preconceived and narrow minded idea of who they should be.

Below is a cumulation of god awful cakes I stumbled upon in my research. Please feel free to laugh with me..

Apparently our girls are only destines to wear bows, pearls, and glitter. I digress...