Nope of the Week: Hey Miley, You Can't Un-Sip Lean

Before you read this know that I don't really care that much about Miley Cyrus' new decision to go back to her roots. Personally, I never really minded her even when she went nuts. And the song "23" was knocked too many times in college for me to hate on her. Thus, I don't plan on giving that huge a lecture on how her brief stint in hip hop culture is almost as lame as what people with no rhythm did to the running man challenge. However, it's definitely worthy to talk about the completely annoying 360 this girl that used to play a teenager with a double life (should've seen it coming) did in a few short years, along with the words she chose when she bowed out back to her roots. So let's talk about her story; a story that takes us from Disney, to Molly, and back again.

I couldn't stand Hannah Montana. With the exception of "If We Were a Movie" (which is my jam), and maybe Emily Osment (babe), everything about it annoyed me as soon as it became a thing. But people loved it (lame ones). The show, the music, the sweet dimpled pop-star who like, performed as two different people (troubling and silly) and had every adolescent girl watching the show, or at concerts crying, smiling and jamming along.

*Editor's note: I will NEVER understand crying at concerts. Unless it's a particularly beautiful song full of meaning and passion (shoutout Adele), there is no reason I can fathom that would make you close your eyes, scream, and bawl rather than watch and listen to the music. Being 50 feet from Nick Jonas is not that incomprehensibly earth-shattering (vocab snaps), even if you're 12. Grow up.*

*Second editor's note: Miley and Hannah looked EXACTLY the same. I got so annoyed every time her wig would come off and people gasped.

*Editor's note about the first editor's note: Justin Timberlake is the one exception to this. And NSYNC. Or also if Michael Jackson and Etta James somehow both came back for a surprise duet. I wouldn't even wipe the tears away. But the rest of you need to stop it.*

But anyway. Do you guys remember how shocked people were when Miley Cyrus traded in her K-Swiss for Jordan 3's??? The internet went nuuuuuuuts and white america lost their minds. All of a sudden everyone's all-American girl was partaking in twerk-contests on stage, performing topless, and just doing a lot of things in general that make conservative fathers pull the handkerchiefs out of their suit pockets and dab their foreheads incessantly. I won't list all of her nutty antics on here because there are too many hits on Google to research/cite and I have a job, but I encourage you to do it if you have time like that or have been living at the bottom of the Dead Sea since '09 and haven't heard about them.

What I will say about said antics is that due to the nuttiness of them I bet no one on earth thought that Miley would come back from this, or that she even wanted to. The side of America that gasps at N.W.A. lyrics probably thought that their poor girl was gone for good. But to her original fans she, just like she's been doing on stage for the past 3 years, brought that a** (love you mom) back.

And bring it back she did. Earlier this week Miley released a generic underwhelming-hippie-sunshine-flower-girl single titled "Malibu", along with a music video complete with her frolicking on a beach. To me it was almost like an apologetic plea to be played on every family friendly radio station in every bagel shop in the country. Or more like when the girl who dates the bad boy her friends/family dont approve up breaks up with him, and then out of nowhere she's all inspirational and profound.

People were really annoyed by it because it seemed like she, even if unintentionally, exploited hip hop culture, and whatever culture that last album was, just for kicks. Like she needed a bad streak to break free from the good girl label. I'm 100% cool with that. I know hip hop is cool. It's the best. To me there's a reason there are mannequin and running man challenges and not wagon wheel or dirt road challenges. People want to get in on the hip fun that comes with this culture. And to cash in off that she'd by no means be the first artist to do this and call it "evolution", but she's the nope of the week because of her response to the backlash she received for ditching her bad girl image.

In an interview with Billboard magazine she shed her hip hop skin, saying she's no longer a fan of that scene because of its misogynistic ways. She goes on to quote Kendrick Lamar's new song (heaven-sent banger*) "Humble", saying that she preferred the message of it to the demeaning trend you see in rap today.

Um, ex-squeeze me? Perdon? That seeeems like a bit of a cop out, which tells me that (shocker) your bad girl days were a charade to see what it's like hanging with undesirables. That's cause the argument doesn't make sense. First off, a lot of women hated "Humble" for its misogynistic messages. But more importantly, just look at the title of any 2 Live Crew song, and you'd know 20 years ago that rap has tiptoed that line of promiscuity and misogyny since its inception. Bars and sexual explicitness were old friends long before our time. And when did that finally click for you, huh Miley? Was it re-watching the Big Sean video with you gyrating (uncomfortably) in it, or the performance where you licked a blow up doll on stage that opened your eyes? Or maybe it was any of your lyrics in the hit song 23. Either way, gimme a breaaaaak.

And a lot of you might not get it, but for anyone a part of hip hop culture or any subculture besides hers, its clear to see how annoying that is. Makes it kind of seem as if all your entire lifestyle is just a phase for people to appropriate when they want to say curse words piss off their parents and pretend. Take reggaeton for example. Every time a Spanish song comes on people will laugh at the fact that it has the same drum kit beat (side note: it does and you can do better reggaeton). But hold on though cause as we recently learned if you turn around and have Justin Bieber say ONE word slowly in Spanish for the chorus all of a sudden it's a hit song you all can't get enough of. Imagine in your heart of hearts if Biggie was to give up rap, and convince everyone that Christian rock was the way to go. Then he goes and takes on a whole new persona, denouncing his old ways and defending this change to anyone who disapproves saying these new people are his family. And then after a few years he hangs up his sandals and acoustic guitar and is back to "Gimme Tha Loot" Biggie. I think it can be agreed that no we shouldn't hate him for it, but it would definitely leave everyone with a bad taste in their mouths.

*Editor's note/Hot True Take: Justin Bieber is the worst thing about Despacito, which is already a mediocre song tops.*

Basically, Miley is the nope of the week because she went off the deep end trying to have her fun and now wants to be a good girl all over again. I read somewhere on Twitter that some of it had to do with the state of the country now (Trump etc.) and her finally realizing the effect platforms have on the future generation (you mean I shouldn't perform with sex toys???). And that's great, but to blame the misogyny of the rap scene for the change when you knew what you were getting into and were ALL into it the whole time is eye-roll worthy. I'm all for having fun and doing whatever you really want, but when you ditch it for your roots you should be real about that part too. Hip hop culture, and you, are better off without each other.