Russia Banned from Winter Olympics

Headed back to some topics on sports finally, Russia has been banned from playing in the 2018 Winter Olympics because of blood doping.

If I am Russia, I am taking a long look at myself in the mirror. First off, it's the 21st century. There are synthetic forms of chemicals which blow my mind. I am not even sure if that statement is entirely correct, but it sounds right. But here we have the Russians blood doping like its the stone ages. For Christ sake, there is synthetic weed!!! What're you doing? Using leeches to suck out the blood and putting it back in to your bodies like a lobotomy experiment in the mid 1800s. Please, if you are stupid enough to cheat this poorly you deserved to get caught.

The only realistic part of this doping is that it was on brand for Russia. Over the past couple of months there has been allegations of Russia colluding with the US. Working behind the scenes with President Trump and documenting it via twitter messages, really shows how many dopes are in office. Furthermore, if they wanted blood they could have just stuck a needle in the big prick that is running the United States of America. Ciallis recommends contacting a physician after 4 hours of an erection. If we are breaking down his terms of hours, Trump is only on hour one. Except many of the people he is screwing over are already concerned on how long this will last. Now back to the topic.

Russian athletes, those who did not blood dope, are allowed to participate in the Olympics under a neutral flag. But what I am hoping is that the IOC allows fans to submit their own ideas. Mine would just be a GIF of the Berlin Wall falling. Or it would just be a white flag, symbolizing the faces when they all found out eye were caught blood doping, or to symbolize all the white blood cells that were added to every athletes body post-doping, or to symbolize defeat because not only is that international sign, but they are quite literally going to get their asses handed to them by every country this year and feel the need to surrender.

Only unfortunate part is not going to be able to compete against the best Russians this year. There was something very satisfactory about beating Russia given the history and rivalry of the two countries. Now the only competing I'm going to be doing against Russia is seeing how many White Russians I can drink before I have to go pee on Saturday morning. I call it the Cold War, because if you drink them fast enough you get a brain freeze. And when standing up from the chair you are most likely to have alcohol induced trench foot.

It's truly a sad day in the land of all the last names ending in Chek's and Ov's. And to add insult to injury or lack there of because of super human strength because of blood doping, Russia has officially been Checkov'd the list who are able to compete.